Waiting…

This is a short poem I wrote during another endometriosis flare when my severe anxiety came to join the party. I use writing as an outlet to funnel my emotions and somehow gain some sort of control. It’s one of many ways of managing my autoimmune diseases (more so the mental health side of things).

Grappling in the moments when there is nothing tangible to hold I find I feel irritable, anxious, upset, exhausted and a sense of control lost. The panic attacks can set in as you fall inside yourself, you loose focus and your body begins to ache. I don’t even know why. There is no “trigger”, it just comes hard and fast with no warning. So, I write it down and lean into it. Does anyone one else get these episodes who may/may not have chronic illness conditions? If so, you are not alone.

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Living ‘au natural’,

She floats among the marine life,

Within nature’s garden bed,

Embracing the sandalwood and eucalyptus,

Agitated and uneasy,

Her story dynamics don’t feel right,

There is something she needs to unlearn,

Perfectionism,

Sustainable?

They don’t care,

She yearns for a fresh perspective,

A Passion or a purpose,

Within the oasis,

She feels home,

Outside,

Trapped searching for air,

Awkward inner monologues,

Immediate disorder,

‘Take care’, they chant,

Falling,

Lucidity dissolves into an abstraction,

Distant clarity,

Yet, it’s rewarding,

Something real to grasp,

Unsteady on her feet,

Lightheaded,

Exhausted,

Finally a sense of calm,

Reflecting,

Barefoot,

Bold,

I am human,

She lies waiting knowing,

Anxiety never sleeps,

She can feel her breathe,

Lingering…