Oceans Healing Bed

Grounded memories deeply rooted in lies that choke,

Spicy botanicals fill the bathroom where I soak, 

I long for the wild northern ocean hues,

Where my soul can dip within the deep blues,

It is said storytelling can heal, 

Treasure self-love so you can feel, 

There are those that will dismiss your crazy heart,

But, who are they to judge when they can’t even start, 

Energy shifts within my bones naturally, 

Slowly evolving as I reminisce,

That one mistake that left me raw, 

Or was it two or three or four?

Whatever the cause it saw my anxieties rip open,

Secrets unfolded as I was awoken, 

They whispered truths, 

Revealing lies among the toxic folds,

Engulfed in blood stained shades of ebony,

My only view of the sky was an illusion, 

I fell hard into the hot desert sands,

Scarred memories deeply etched my hands,

Was there ever a last chance?

A connection to self?

Some kind of immunity? 

It all seemed rather ordinary,

Many lessons I have learned in 2020, 

Toxic friendships I had accumulated aplenty, 

Over twenty years I was forced to bend, 

Do you even know what it means to be a friend?

Naturally, I tried to “fix” things, 

Ushering lies it had become routine, 

Touting “mental health” excuses, 

It was nothing more than constant abuses, 

The time came and I cut the ties, 

You had truly broken me, 

Cut to the core, 

I don’t want to see you anymore,

They say time heals old wounds, 

But, with a little more patience she mends broken souls,

The ugly realities of truths once unknown become clear,

Being alone I no longer fear,

Ignited by a new sense of purpose, 

Mornings no longer seem routine, 

The ocean air eases my anxiety with her salty breath, 

As I walk among the native flowers, 

The wild sands beneath my feet, 

Where the soul and ocean air meet,

As I float within her salty depths, 

Calmness wraps my body as I count the breaths, 

Healing, I lay staring into the morning skies,

Listening to my inner roaring battle cry,

Ignited by a force unseen,

It’s time to come home my queen.

Here’s to 2021! Never give up!

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It has been one hell of a year for us all. I could sit here and reminisce on all the shitty things that happened, but honestly I am so over 2020. I just want to move forward. Take what I have learned from what has been an extremely hard year and turn that into something beautiful and rewarding in the one to come. 

This poem reflects on one aspect of 2020 for me, which was the hard reality of letting a life long friendship go after years of poor treatment, toxic behaviour and lies. It’s been a long time of reflecting and acknowledging I needed to move on, which I finally have done. Art for me is an outlet to draw, write, paint or by whatever means let it all out and move on. So, here is me just spewing the feelings out onto the page as I heal within my ocean home.

Now that I have done that, here is to new beginnings fresh with amazing true friendships, relationships and all the things that inspire, motivate and make us level up. Between all the tough times this year brought it did shine a light on many amazing aspects of life and also brought some truly special people into mine. Sending love to all as we farewell 2020 in the days to come

Xx